Thanks Guys

So today most of my American friends went out to hang out. They didn't invite me. I made it fairly obvious that I would be interested and there's no way they 'just forgot'. I had my fill of forcing my way in in middle school and I'm not planning to start that again any time soon, but what I'm wondering is... why?

In class they're very friendly. We walk together a lot, and talk. I know a lot about them. I do stuff with them. I take an interest in their hobbies. But I feel as if they don't think about me unless I walk straight into their paths, if that. So why?

It could be something that they generally don't like about me. I'm willing to admit that. But why, then, do they come find me as their second choice, and why are they more than happy to sit with me in class and talk and all that? And if I invite them to something, they often come. I tend to avoid people who bother me. :S

It's more like they like me, but they just don't see me as part of their group. Which is killing me. I have a personality where I like to be friends with lots of people in different groups. AND, I don't care much for hanging around doing very, very little and just every once in a while saying something, which is what they do a significant portion of the time that I see them. It is during these periods, I think, that they plan the things I miss out on.

And so I keep missing their events, and I'm falling further and further away from them. At first when I, for example, found out about their movie nights, I made an effort to come to one or two. But they haven't seen fit to tell me about any of them since. If I outright ask if I can do anything, they always let me, and fairly happily. But why am I so out of the loop?

I think two things.

1.) They're fairly exclusive. One actually said that he had found a small group of friends and was happy with that and not planning to expand it. Um... yeah, kind of conflicts radically with my view of friends. I continue interacting with people, because you never know when a cool friendship might come up. But it's not just that, because this one guy who hangs out with a lot of other people is usually included.

2.) Again, this sitting around and doing nothing. I really can't stand it. The only situation where it's even remotely bearable is if I'm studying\reading while they do that, and then I'm left out of it partly anyway, and to be honest I'd rather be in my room. See, I like to have some alone time. And when I'm with friends, I prefer it to be slightly more high intensity. Interesting conversations, etc. And by interesting conversations I don't mean making sexual jokes (unless they're actually being clever, see, being sexual does not automatically make things funny, let's grow up, kids) or planning to get drunk.


Given these two things, and their behaviour, (I'm trying really hard not to be bitter despite remembering that most of the times they invite me (not all, but most) it's as a second choice or something. Like hey, I'm going to the rec center and want company. And the fact that half the time they call\text\see me it's wanting something.), I don't think any of them are really best friend material for me. Friend material, though, should be possible. Because I do like them and I think we get along well. We laugh and have fun walking around and going to classes.

Linh told me that college friends are different from high school friends. You're not supposed to be able to count on them... just hang out with them. I'd honestly rather not have friends if that's the case. :( If that makes me not fun, then so be it. And I miss Stephanie and Lucía and even Liisa, short as was our physical time together. I trust them all and feel like I can totally be myself around them. And like they feel the same way with me.

I know I have to give things time, but why does it seem to be moving faster for everyone else? And I'm just trying to be nice. ;_; I don't know what I'm doing so wrong. Another interesting thing is that I'm getting along quite well with a large number of the foreign students. Such as my roommate, Mayumi, and Jorge. :D But they're only here for a year, so I need to branch out beyond them as well.

Let's say it's just this group. (...) You don't meet people in classes... they're too big. I've met a few people I'm friendly with and partner with in my two smallest classes, but we're light years away from hanging out outside of class.

Clubs? I looked for culture clubs, language clubs, or outdoorsy clubs. None, really. And religious clubs, to be honest, make me a bit uncomfortable... religion is an intensely private thing for me, and I feel strange when my beliefs don't precisely correspond with a given doctrine.

I HAVE gotten involved with student government, which I'm sure will look good on resumes and all that. But you don't meet friends there either... it's all work so far. :S And I'm trying to get involved with a mentoring program. But there we're talking about little kids, so however good it will make me feel, it's not really a friend making opportunity. And with those two things I'm actually running out of abundant free time to try to join a social type club.

Bah humbug. How can I be failing when there are so many interesting people?