Impending Graduation

I feel nervous because I'm about to graduate, first in May and then, most likely, again the next May, and then I'm not sure what to do. The dream life seems so far away and the path in between is more confusing than I ever thought. And I'm not sure I have the drive. I'm sad because I miss the mountains. I lack energy; I don't exercise; I've lost my Norwegian muscles. I dream about Norway too often and then I wake up feeling sad because I don't know when or if I'll be able to go back. I miss being able to go on a short afternoon hike and finding the ruins of fortresses and castles or else views over high mountains. I miss sea-breezes and snow and history and learning a thousand new things every day. And I feel like my road map ends here. There's no longer a checklist of how to be a big girl and do well. Its more subtle and complicated and confusing and wide open than that. Just right now I'd like a slightly more linear storyline, or maybe a strategy guide, or you know, maybe one of those silly characters whose only purpose is to give you a hint, point you in the right directions. Because life is simultaneously long and short, too short to try every path before I find the right one. But then, they say the right path is the path you choose, as long as you can be content with it.

On the other hand: I love my classes this semester. They seem hand-chosen just for me, all except Magazine Design. Even there, the teacher is nice, my TA is nice, and its something I need to do, and its far from awful. Then I've got Advanced Writing with a memoir-focused professor, Food and Wine Writing (!!!), and Travel Writing (focused on old dead British writers, but oh well...). Even my Spanish capstone exceeds all expectations. Instead of reading Cervantes or some other dusty dry literature, as I'd expected, I'm learning about the Andes! The Incas! Did you know they had this super-elaborate system of exchanges and roads and inns and oh, it's just wonderful, reading about this huge lost empire. Although I almost wish I had yucky classes so I could be more eager to be done with this whole undergraduate thing!