Caffeine

I don't normally take in much, if any, caffeine. There is the trace amount in chocolate, but I don't drink soda, or coffee, or chew any of that caffeine gum or anything like that. So it has a profound affect on me.

I'm taking allergy pills right now that make me tired. Last night I got home from an event and fell asleep at 8. Normal bedtime here is 12-2, so that was really weird. Today I took the allergy pill together with a caffeine pill, hoping they would counteract each other.

ONE caffeine pill. It says on the box that it is the equivalent of one cup of coffee. Well, all day I've been jittery and restless, but still a bit tired, which just felt weird. Part of me wanted to collapse and part of me wanted to go for a run. It actually was worse when I moved - typing for example got me all worked up at the peak of it, and when I walked it felt kind of funny because half of me was slouching and taking my time, and the other part of me was shaking. I couldn't eat much for lunch but I ate noodles when I got back at 2 and I started to feel a bit better. I think I should scale back to half a pill next time, if I even follow this strategy again.

All in all it just makes me feel really stressed out, like I do for the hour before a big speaking test or something. But it also makes me want to work on things, which is what I need right now. I scheduled all the stuff I need to do for P.A., worked some more on the Japan itinerary, figured out where and when I'm going to do my last events and my extra credit for Journalism, wrote some emails, figured out meals and events for the lake house this weekend, coordinated rides for all the people going (the number kept growing), and figured out possible times for the proseminar next year, based on my schedule and the schedules of my Figgies.

I got a high B on the last Stat exam. It would have been a high A, but I lost 10 out of the 12 points I lost on a single written answer problem which absolutely stumped me. (But since I showed my work I recovered 3 of the thirteen points the question was worth :D). I can't get an A in the class, but my B is very solid, and the same goes for Journalism. However, I'm doing extra credit in Journalism and I've been to every review section for Statistics, so there's a chance that my grades will be bumped up to B+'s, which are worth more. Poli Sci is the only class I really have to worry about my C is solid, but... I really don't want a C. :( But poor Anlan! She needs an 87% to pass the class and she hasn't done anywhere near that well on the first tests! (well, obviously.). We're reviewing together tonight. She takes great notes, so I'll come up with helpful memorizing strategies for her and steal her notes. :D German and Spanish are A's.

It's an exciting time, but very stressful, and caffeine is either helping or making it worse, I can't tell. :D

Japan Trip

The Japan trip is about 97% certain now, and we've come up with a nice itinerary. It's all very exciting and everything looks beautiful!

http://www.japan-guide.com/e/e2400.html

I've found this site especially invaluable, and basically modified their 20 day itinerary to cut out Nagasaki and work in more nights staying with friends.

I'm wondering yet again how people with no knowledge of foreign languages plan trips. Even planning my trip to Scandinavia (Scandinavia! Where they all speak English!) I found myself grateful on numerous occasions to be able to read Norwegian, Swedish, and Danish. Japan is a lot harder, and my knowledge of Japanese is less than my knowledge of Finnish, but I think even the small amount Laura and I know, in addition to having some translators on call, are making it possible.

For an example of what we're dealing with, check out this website:

http://www.sanboin.com/

This was one of the most navigable temple stay websites we found, and we think we're going to use it, although if we read Japanese perfectly we might be able to find a slightly cheaper one. As it was we used all of our Japanese just to find the site, navigate it (one of the six, seven? English words helped us find the 'stay' section), figure out that "一人様 9,500円" meant "one person... 9,500 yen", and that the little button at the bottom of that page means email reservation, or something like that. Even this little amount required knowing several Kanji. I know about 50 Kanji and Laura knows probably about 200 (I'm not sure). We are finding ourselves needing every bit of that, and still confirming most things with one of the Japanese girls.

Anyway, we are planning to email this temple in Japanese, with the Japanese girls translating "We are two American women wanting to stay in the temple on July X, for one night... we see that your prices are 9,500 per person including Breakfast and Dinner, and you are in Koyasan. Can we confirm all of this and get directions? We speak only a small amount of Japanese." and seeing if we can't get a reservation. Mostly we are staying with friends or cheapish tourist hotels, but we are staying in more authentic places 3 nights, so we expect to go through a similar process at least two more times.

Important Stuff

I feel like I've been sleepwalking or something the last month or so and have finally woken up - just in time to handle a mountain of administrative stuff. My grades, for example, are not at all what I would like. But the only thing that really matters is keeping my scholarships and my eligibility for study abroad, and based on my worst case scenario for this semester, I'll still do both. But if I get my 'worst case scenario' I'll use up a good deal of the grace I accumulated by doing so well first semester, which is a bit sad. Still, I think that my grades will be worst this semester and next, because I am taking a lot of Gen Ed classes I don't care about.

I am trying to figure out everything for working as a P.A. next year, and for living here independently, as my family is moving to Florida. There's a lot of paperwork, etc, involved, and I've finally started a calendar. The moment I began using it I wondered how I had gone so long without! It makes me feel so much calmer and better. Things are starting to come together but it's still hectic.

Sissel - Climb Every Mountain

Jantulógin

Yesterday I passed a patch of purple tulips, with shorter orange ones growing underneath. They were lovely. There was just one tulip in the sea of purple and undergrowth of orange that didn't quite match - it was a white/purple hybrid, lovely, the two colours swirling together in a vivid contrast to the deep purples that surrounded it. It amused me, so I took pictures of it - I guess going for one of those 'be unique' inspirational posters or something. :)

Today I passed the same patch. All the top flowers were purple. From having spent a minute or two photographing them the day before, I knew exactly where the off-colour one had been. Today there were green leaves there at the base, holding up a slender, tall, green stalk which ended in a perfect, round, horribly wet stump.

Janteloven in action?

I suppose I understand that there must be some way of controlling the colours of flower arrangements, and that it's no worse, really, than picking a weed or putting together a bouquet. I realize all of this, and yet, like a bad omen, the weeping stalk, still standing, bothers me.

Friend Fights

It hurts me to hurt my friends, even if it was unintended and even if I think they're exaggerating. If it's someone I care about, I don't 'get angry back' or anything like that. I just feel sick, can't eat, throw up.

I just wanted to say that. I don't do friend fights well.

Wow

This is from the list of 'best LJ posts ever written'. It's very sweet. I wish I had written it. ;)

"I’m sitting at the Bourgeois Pig cafe on Fullerton, next to two people who are obviously on a first, blind date. You wouldn't necessarily notice them at first - they are average looking white people in a room and a neighborhood full of the same, but something about them is making the whole room hum. They are both so NERVOUS. They are both talking too fast and too much. And then they fall silent and grin, with these huge geeky grins if they happen to make eye contact. She keeps dropping things and he keeps picking them up and then they meet under the table and she blushes deep red and so does he.

He’s tall, with brown hair and thick glasses with black frames. She’s short and curvy, with thick curly brown hair. They look adorable together. As I watch them, I root for them to spend the whole day together. They should go to a movie, or walk over to the park. I want them to make out all night. I want her to say “I never do this” and undo his belt. I want him to say “me neither” and help her with the buckle. I want him to call when he says he’ll call, and cook her breakfast, and bring her daffodils. I want her to buy a new dress, in a color she’s never worn before, and wear it for him. Oh My God, they have matching messenger bags. She’s telling some story about her favorite children’s book, and he’s read it, loved it too. She looks up at him and smiles and she’s gorgeous and he just blinks out at her from behind his glasses as if he can’t believe that this girl is with him. His eyes are blue, and kind. For a few minutes no one drops anything – they just sit there and grin and blush.

A year from now I want them to be living together in the top of a 3-flat somewhere. They’ll paint all the walls in bright colors, and the space will overflow with books – her children’s book collection, his graphic novels, side-by-side on the shelf. They’ll have a housewarming party and all their friends will come. Family and friends will surround them, smiling indulgently at these two who can’t seem to stop looking at each other, to stop smiling when they mention each other’s names. Neither of them will be able to believe their good luck, how much better their lives are now that they come home to a smiling face, a pot of soup on the stove, dueling crosswords in bed on Sunday mornings, knees and elbows kissed under the quilt, surprisingly passionate sex that can still make them blush when they think about it, naps in the hammock on the back porch. For the first six months she’ll cry every time he makes her come, and he’ll hold her and stroke her hair, shocked at his own power to undo and to comfort another human being. She’ll secretly take belly-dancing lessons at the Y and surprise him on his birthday, shy bookworm transformed into a siren, unrecognizable, powerful, his.

Now they are getting ready to leave....I can see and hear the hopefulness in each of them...”Do you have any plans for the rest of the day?” “I was supposed to help my friend pack.” “Oh.” “But I can do it tomorrow.” “Oh!” “Want to just walk around for a while?” “We could go over to the zoo.” “I came on my bike.” “Really? Me too.” Already there is something protective and proprietary in the way he behaves toward her, clearing the table for her, opening the door. No one else in the world exists. They are pure static electricity. He will always open doors for her, let her have the window seat on airplanes, and cover her with a blanket when she falls asleep on the couch. She will nurse his colds with homemade chicken soup, stand in line to get a book signed by his favorite author.

All their neuroses and annoying quirks will be loveable to one another – he spends too much money on CDs, she’s always 15 minutes late. They will never, ever take each other for granted. Day jobs, the cable bill, dirty cereal bowls, global warming, international strife will become more bearable. Their first Christmas they’ll go to the pound and adopt a puppy and a kitty, and they’ll sit on the floor of their place – in long johns and pajamas and big wooly sweaters and play with their new family. When they shyly announce their engagement, no one they know will be surprised – their friends and family will laugh and laugh, because they knew all along that these two will marry and have adorable round geeky babies – this woman was made to be pregnant, this man was made to cup a baby’s head in huge, trembling hands. These two have been moving toward each other their whole lives – someone else who loves Le Petit Prince, someone who hates getting all dressed up, someone who can talk about politics without getting shrill and angry, someone who thinks deeply about things and tries to be a good person, someone who doesn’t have an easy time forming attachments but who loves deeply and lastingly when it happens.

At 40 they will be more beautiful than they have ever been, all awkwardness gone, two people in the prime of life, standing upright, still in love, both somehow more than they would ever be alone. This is what I wish for these two people who are geeking on each other across a cafe table littered with crosswords and mochas, with me sitting by, a silent fairy godmother, honored to witness love’s birth. Right now, I could believe and hope for almost any good thing."

It actually made me cry a bit to read this. :)

Study Abroad Selections (II)

Recap: These are the places I'll most likely study abroad.

A Semester in Pamplona, Spain:


Yes, this is where they have the Running of the Bulls.



A Semester in Bonn, Germany.



A Semester in Bergen, Norway.



And maybe a summer internship in Buenos Aires, Argentina:

Study Abroad Selections

I had a lot of ideas about where I wanted to study abroad. My final list of ideas looked something like this, in order of priority, interest:

Norway
Spain
Germany? Japan?
Italy? Finland?
Latin America?

Complicating matters significantly was the fact that most of these countries offered multiple locations for Study Abroad.

But I sat down with a chart of my remaining semesters and figured it out like an old fashioned logic puzzle.

Firstly, I have to do one of my semesters through the Journalism School, because I can only take one of my years off from the Journalism school and still get a Journalism degree, and I can only get Journalism credit on one of their programs.

So, looking at the options through Journalism, the most appealing one was Spain, because then I could kill two birds with one stone. The Journalism program in Spain is in the University of Navarra in Pamplona, and you can go there for a full year or for Spring semester. Spring Semester it is.

Next. Norway is really important to me, so I looked at it next. Mizzou has one program in Norway - an exchange with the University of Bergen. The weather there isn't great, or so I've heard, but otherwise it sounds lovely. You can go there for a full year or either semester, but Lene recommended (and it makes sense) going in the Spring - that way the weather is getting nicer, not uglier, you have the summer afterwards if you want to go on any trips, and you're there for Syttende Mai! (Not crucial, but nice)

This meant that I only had a fall semester to work with. For some reason, not many schools have a fall semester option. I started thinking about and looking at my other options. The main two are Germany and Japan. The benefits to Germany are that I could take my classes in German, becoming rather fluent in the process, and that Germany has a nice, central European location, so I could go on a lot of awesome weekend trips, etc. The benefits to Japan are that it's non-European, so I would be able to expand my cultural horizons, and gain maybe a working knowledge of Japanese.

I plugged these into search, and there was one possibility in each country for fall semester. However, the one in Japan comes with a strong recommendation that you have studied Japanese in University, and most of the classes offered at that University are about Japanese cultural studies - interesting, but not easy to apply to my degree.

So I think it makes the most sense to go to Germany - Bonn, in particular. Bonn (a former capital of Germany) looks like it has a lot of culture and great access to several cool countries in Europe (the Benelux, Austria, Switzerland...) which I'd like to go to for a weekend or so while I'm there.

So, it's more or less decided:

Pamplona, Spain
Bergen, Norway
and
Bonn, Germany

The only thing that remains to be decided are which semesters are which - since I have two fall and two spring semesters to work with. I think I'll travel the first fall, and be home the second to kind of break things up and keep myself from going crazy. Then there is just the matter of whether I go to Norway or Spain first, but I'm thinking it might be Norway because there could be advantages to starting my sequence before I go to Spain (if I go the first year I'll be admitted to my sequence but I won't have started).

There is also a possibility that I'd be able to take a summer internship in Argentina at some point, which would be great as I could expand my experiences onto another continent. (I want to be a travel journalist, so this is about more than just bragging about how many countries I have hit ;)) If that works out I might make Lucia come down at the beginning or the end of that so we can have our crazy Chile trip. :D

Romaji?

I have a made a potentially naughty decision. I am going to use some Romaji in learning Japanese. This is because I have to learn Japanese quickly, and I think that vocabulary, grammar, etc, will come more quickly to me if I use some Romaji. I hate to do it, because I know that for long term study it's a bad idea. However, I'm not planning to become a Japanese scholar or anything like that. I'd like to have some basic read/write ability in Japanese too, but trying to do them together is just slowing down my grammar acquisition too much. If I find myself getting ahold of the grammar, I can always go back to learning, practicing exclusively in the Japanese script, but for now I think it's slowing me down too much. For example, I look at a page of grammar to review - and I can't 'review' - I can't skim. I can read Hiragana now, but I can't skim it.

Anyway, I will still be using Hiragana sometimes to make sure it doesn't disappear, and I will still be learning Kanji (and maybe I'll go ahead and knock out Katakana sometime before I go), but if my book or my brain wants to work on grammar in Romaji, I'm going to stop fighting it.

Photoshop Project I

It Had Flowers...

As of right now there is no longer a tree outside my window. I woke up to the sound of chainsaws and looked outside and thought for a moment that they were only trimming some of the branches, and then they bit into the main trunk, and now the tree is gone.

It bothers me. The tree wasn't the healthiest on campus, it had a branch or two that were maybe dead, but it had green leaves all over it, and even a few flowers, and it was my tree, right outside my window...

I don't know what they'll do with the spot now, but surely even a struggling tree with a nice wood shape would have been better than an empty circle of mulch?


It had flowers...

Ich Will Etwas Sagen -

Du bist mein Lebenskompass. Ich orientiere mich an dir unabsichtlich, und das ist in Ordnung. Bisherig gehe ich gute Wege. Auch gab ich den Versuch auf, dein Angesicht von fallendem Schnee, der Sonne, und klarem Wasser zu löschen- oder deine Stimme von dem Wind in den Föhren oder dem Dröhnen des Flugzeugs zu trennen. Aber es gab diesen Traum, diesen Trost - ich stöße ab, und es war gut.

Old Acquaintanceships

We do begin to become accustomed to always sound, always light, to the thick clouds of micropop vapor that drift through the halls, so thick in places we imagine we could lick the trans-fat straight out of the air. To janitors passing, complaining loudly on their cell phones at the crack of dawn - which is to say, before eleven on weekdays and two on weekends. To the indistinguishability between wet and moldering carpet, the drinking fountains whose filters no one bothers to change, and fresh Kimchi. All the early questions, the easy conversations are worn thin, the jokes are all tired... there's no more fun in these old acquaintanceships.

But now I eat seaweed. I can list at least 20 flavours of Ramen. With my eyes clothes I can hear and understand that Mayumi is making coffee and rice with her bottled water, pulling out her dry red pepper seasoning and sitting down to study. I know every resident by their laugh, their cough. And I see memories pass like motion blur ghosts from doorway to doorway, remember lying on the hard tile floor and laughing until we cried, ducking under raindrops as we ran to Subway, making footprints in the snow on Stankowski, an awkward spot or two worth a smile from a distraction... unfulfilled and fulfilled promises, that took physical form at some point and left footprints.

I should have blogged more when it was new. These things cease to be so fascinating but isn't that interesting in and of itself? Living here for a year, we've already painted the campus with enough sweat, tears, blood, colours of exhaustion, excitement, plans to make it ours.

I Will Learn to Photoshop!

I thought I was pretty good at Photoshop. After all, I could compile pictures and make a wicked looking siggy. Or banner.

But I realized that I couldn't even do something as simple as adding water to a scene in Photoshop.

That's going to change.

Ignore the fact that I photoshopped myself here into the Swiss Alps and that I 'Posterized' the whole scene. The point is that I followed a tutorial to add water. That water in the foreground? Yeah, that's completely my invention. I'm going to keep practicing this.

Undone

Slightly Disheartening Japanese Update

I have a confession to make. My announcement that I had broken down the first wall of Japanese was a bit premature. I did feel something break (two?) weeks ago, but I'm now pretty sure it was the writing system - the idea of balancing three of them, no spaces, and how to look at Kanji without screaming in pure terror. Japanese vocabulary and grammar are still giving ground very, very slowly.

But I'm not worried. At the moment I'm taking it one construction at a time, substituting different things in to make new meanings. My book is running more and more against my learning style the further I get, but I'm just going to put up with it for a while. Next weekend I can pick up one of my other Japanese books if I want - but I think the other ones are even worse about showing Romanji than this one, and I don't really know how they treat grammar, etc yet. Laura told me I could borrow her textbook over the summer if I wanted to, and it looks pretty nice, so I may take her up on that.

But I know more than 50 Kanji now, and my knowledge of Hiragana is rock solid!

Easter as an Exile

私の気の卵 (My Egg of Power... has the Kanji for Power on it.)

I'm still in the States this year, but I might as well not be. Tabitha and I are just about the only Americans left at Mizzou. The parking lots are deserted as most of the student body has headed home to be with their families for the holiday. My parents called this morning and I talked to each of them a bit, which was nice... Still, I better get used to experiencing these holidays as an exile, eh? :)

I bought some egg dye last time I was home, and so Mayumi, Mitsuki, Mimi, Tabi and I decided to dye some eggs. Mayumi bought a dozen and we accidentally cracked one, then we raided the downstairs fridge and stole four more that expired only a few weeks ago. We boiled them in two rice cookers, and it seemed to work pretty well. Laura and Elvina showed up later and each dyed an egg. Considering that it was the first time most of our group had dyed eggs, they caught on really fast and made some really cute and creative designs and colours!

Why I'm Partial to Bad Weather

Today the weather is beautiful. The sun is shining and the grass is green, and it's nice and perfect cool - the spring still working on it's comeback from the aftershock of winter that hit last week and even brought a bit of snow to the pear blossoms and daffodils.

And when the weather's nice, I just can't rest. There's an itching inside of me screaming, "Don't delay! Go out as soon as you possibly can! Walk, run, climb, wade... enjoy!"

And that's just the problem. Quite often, I can't. Or the rest of me doesn't want to. And then I can't make all of me happy with the new plan, because the itch won't go away.

Today my friends are all out of town and I'm a bit sick and feel somewhat miserable, and I'd love to study some Japanese and I need to clean my room and do a lot of schoolwork. But this itch wants me out and about. It's ridiculous. Alone? Leaving all responsibilities behind? Sneezing the whole time?

If it was raining and dreary out, like it was last week when I felt fine, I'd relax completely, knowing it was a Saturday - I could rest and not waste a thing. Take a nap. Read. Do laundry. But instead I want out and don't want out. I'm miserable.

Winterbells

http://www.ferryhalim.com/orisinal/g3/bells.htm

This game is so cute and sweet. :D I love it! Can't help but feel that I could do much better with a mouse, though. ;)

My High Score:

Life in the Faroes

I realized that I haven't yet mentioned my other blog, Life in the Faroes. I am the secondary writer/translator of this blog, which is primarily written by my friend Uni. Uni is from the Faroe Islands and he is the one who helps me with Faroese when I have time to study it! :D (Wish I had more, I love the language and Uni is so nice and helpful!)

Anyway, we started writing this blog together because we realized that, despite recent increases, the internet isn't exactly saturated with information about the Faroes, especially daily life there... and there is a marked lack of bilingual English - Faroese resources online.

The blog can be found at:

http://roskur.blogspot.com/

Liisa! (And Johan and Zahra)

I bought Liisa's birthday present today, but it cost more than it should and so I have to go back and get the card another time. The card I was looking at was nice, but it wasn't absolutely irreplaceable. I like the gift. It's very much black humour, so I think Liisa will appreciate it. :) It's a bit late for me to send it to her, but then, her present to me is going to be more than a month late... so... I have some leeway. XD We've been awful penpals lately... really since I visited her. But that's maybe because we're more like ordinary friends now - we find out about big things on Facebook, so that removes the urgency for emails... and we know that we'll remain friends if we miss a month or two or twelve of our correspondance.

But I do need to send her an email. Perhaps this weekend, since it will be my last free one for a long, long time? On that subject I should send one to Johan too. It's not that I don't think of them! I just get super absorbed when I start writing emails. Speaking of which I have a pseudo penpal right now through the university. Her name is Zahra and she is from India - she's been accepted into the Journalism school here and will arrive in the fall. Since I'm on a five year plan we'll actually be graduating together... and I think we're the same age! :) So there's potential for this to turn into a very real friendship. ;)

I've been answering her questions and worries about coming here. She seems very smart and her English is great, but some of her questions still make me laugh. "Are there any trains and busses that go from New York to Columbia?" O.o I'm of course trying not to be bias when I tell her about the different FIGS, but I'm kind of hoping she'll be in mine. ^^ It would be great to start the year with an ally in my hall and in the class I'm teaching!

Jo'Shawn

I'm finished with Big Brothers Big Sisters. It happened like this...

Last Wednesday I went to Elementary School A at the usual time and went to the office to sign in. There was a lady in there speaking with the secretary and I didn't pay much attention until I heard a name - Jo'Shawn. How many kids can there be in that school named Jo'Shawn? How many kids can there be in the world named Jo'Shawn?

Jo'Shawn is my 'little'. I sort of lingered, wanting to know what they were talking about, thinking, "It's probably none of my business, but..." I became aware of their being aware that I was lingering, so I left. I went through the little school that's sort of split level, sort of strange, that seemed so complicated and foreign those first few weeks, but lately I've felt almost like I have a right to be there. Up the stairs.

I was almost to the classroom when I heard 'Jo'shawn' again, from a little girl just outside. She was writing a letter with big loopy second grader handwriting. She was with an attendant and the attendant asked, "Who's Jo'Shawn?" "He's that kid who's always being silly!" said the girl. I stopped, looked at her letter briefly and saw that it was addressed to Jo'Shawn. The girl turned and recognized me, I don't know how...

"Oh!" she said cheerfully. "Jo'Shawn moved!"

...

... Thanks for the notice?

I went in to talk to his teacher. Apparently she didn't know either - she had been out on Tuesday and surprise! That was his last day. And all those unfinished assignments would remain unfinished, and Jo'Shawn's desk would be cleared out abruptly and... Confusion, surprise, must have been evident on my face.

"It happens a lot here." The teacher said.

I returned to the office. The lady from earlier was still there, talking with the secretary. I returned my nametag and said, "Well, I guess I'm not coming anymore. My little was Jo'Shawn."

That excited them. They said that they were trying to get 'mobility' for him, since he had only moved within town and might be able to get transportation to continue going to Elementary School A. Either way, they said, they hoped I would continue to be his Big Sister, because evidentally he liked me a lot. They gave me directions to his new school, Elementary School B. It was a couple miles away, through unknown downtown areas I wouldn't want to be at night, but it was daytime, a nice day, and I had a reason to go there, so it wasn't too bad.

I found some strange modern art. I saw Columbia College. I passed beggers who... begged... and I'm so not used to that... I shrank several inches and wanted a dollar or two to magically go from my pocket to theirs but I was too nervous and unaccustomed to approach and do it myself and I don't think the magic worked. I want to at least smile at them - I don't hate them - but if you look their way they say it - "spare any change?" It's wicked of me but I can't help but think in a corner of my mind that 'spar' is Norwegian for save... I know enough about the varied circumstances that lead people to this that I hold off the rest of my mind from judging them, but... there is this uncomfortable tickle and on the way back I take another street, closer to construction and further from uncomfortableness.

Finally, as I was about to turn back, I saw 'children crossing' signs and knew I was just around the corner. I thought, "If Jo'Shawn moved, he'll want to see me." The thought made me smile. I hoped the transition wasnt hard on him. I went in and the people there were much less friendly than at Elementary School A. But eventually they told me that his first day was tomorrow, he wasn't there yet. I left and the way back was longer.

This Wednesday I called Elementary School A to check on mobility and whether that had worked out. It hadn't. The weather wasn't as nice but I walked all the way to Elementary School B, and waited twenty minutes to meet his teacher, and that settled things. Elementary School B only allows Big Sisters to meet with students during lunchtime. I have classes then.

After all of that - a dead end.

I cry to easily. I started to cry. I wasn't weeping, but there were tears in my eyes and my voice changed and I hated it and willed it away and they looked at me strangely. I had to say something and I said,

"I'm sorry, I've just walked a long way."

I asked if I could see him today. They said I could in a few hours (when school was out?).

"I mean, just for a few minutes... to say goodbye... because I guess I won't see him again."

That could be arranged. The short walk upstairs I tried to cut my crying out completely. I almost succeeded. Jo'Shawn was happy to see me. He gave me a tackle hug which almost made me cry again. He said, "I thought you wouldn't come!" We stood out in the hallway and I asked him about his new school but then I said "Listen, I can't come anymore because I have class during your lunch. Okay? I'll try to come next year, okay? :)" The broken smile.

He'd asked for Origami paper for weeks, and I'd kept it with me for if he finished all of his schoolwork. He never did! Got close sometimes, but I kept all the pretty paper in my Spanish book. And I had it with me. So I took it out and gave it to him then.

I wish we could have had a real last week and played a game and been happy about it, but it was so sudden and abrupt and strange. And I feel like I'm abandoning him when he changes schools, the hardest time to be abandoned. But what could I do? We hugged again, he had to go back to class, watching some movie... I went out a side door because I didn't want to see the office people again.

I walked home. It was a long walk.

Recipe Star Quizzes

Created by Recipe Star

Created by Recipe Star

Created by Recipe Star

Yay Food Websites! :D And this one has quizzes...

Juxtaposition

I'm sitting in some amazing trees outside of Laws, working on my computer. The juxtaposition between the modern technology and this little patch of nature is quite lovely. There are obviously drawbacks to using the computer outside, like the fact that it's nearly impossible to use in bright sunlight. It makes me very aware of how badly my screen needs to be cleaned. If I want to see what I'm typing I have to use my own shadow to make a portion of it readable. But it's worth it, because the rest of the screen is filled with a picture perfect reflection of the trees above, with all their new year green leaves and even a few birds flitting around.

These trees have amazing twisty branches that form a roof over your head, and little perches where one can sit and even balance a laptop. Not exactly relaxing but it's lovely, because you almost can't see the street full of cars that's in front of you, or the concrete monstrosity that is Laws rising up to your right. You know they are there, though... the deep base boom of a passing car interrupts the birdsong, all possible natural smells are blotted out as cigarette smoke wafts in from the left, laundry smells from the right, the smell of the street from up ahead, and, most distracting, the smell of food frying at Dobbs. But that almost makes it nicer, almost makes you appreciate your tiny patch of nature more - the little spider that climbs the trunk of the tree not a foot from your face, stops and blends in perfectly... the birds that fly down and under the canopy of the trees and then back up into them, disappearing in a rustle of green.

It's a small and perfect world. I sit quietly, try not to move more than my fingers and my eyes. I wonder how many things I can see, how many pictures I can take, from just this one spot, moving only eyes and, I'll allow, my neck... spiders, birds, squirrels... even ignoring the endless variety of the people who pass by.

Circumstance

In the last two months of Statistics, I've learned a great deal about margin of error, 'p hat', confidence intervals and standard deviations. But I haven't learned a thing about what makes me most curious - explanations that aren't excuses, effects that aren't correlations. I'm thinking primarily about Nature vs. Nurture. Not the specifics, just the most general view possible. It seems to me, increasingly, that the truth might look a bit like this:

--------------Personality Types--------A----B

Life Experience Types----------A ---AA---AB
--------------------------------------B--- BA---BB

With AA, AB, BA, and BB all completely different. This seems most likely to me.

Although other times I wonder if the life experience, or the personalities, one or the other, are invented... a reason invented by the human mind, obsessed with such things.

Because it's so complex, so difficult, to imagine why hard times make some people harder, some people softer, some more empathetic, some more thoughtful, some bitter, some easy to please...

And you wonder. How would my life be different if I had suffered more? If I had suffered less? Am I prone to my sensitivities or have life's circumstances handed them to me? Why have I been able to combat trouble with sarcasm and humour in some cases and not in others?

And I wonder these same things about others, but I have less license to do so, and less data to work with. I do know that numbers say precious little about infinite combinations hiding their origins.

Language Book Pet Peeves

I am somewhat forgiving of typos and such in ordinary books, because most of the time they don't really matter. You can understand what was intended and move on.

In language instruction books, this is not the case. Mistakes are almost unforgivable. I was quite mad at Beginner's Finnish for a while because it would pull many of the ordinary, despicable stunts - using a word in a dialogue or an exercise chapter before it was taught to you, misspelling words in vocab lists, (do they not realize that you learn words from those?) etc. In that case I was especially mad because I felt like they had neglected to proofread properly because they knew how few alternatives there were on the market.

And for the same reason, I cannot find quite the same amount of rage for my Japanese book, although it sports many examples of those same errors. I know I have other options. I bought this book, I had a choice. But I can still rant a bit, right?

Chapter Three's title is, "Talking about Family". And, okay, so you do learn enough about ages, family member names, and gender terms to have a limited discussion on that topic. But the chapter also includes a lot about months and clock time. But aside from the annoyance of a title that expresses, at best, half of it's contents, I want to rant a bit about exercise 3.7

They want you to 'ask' about the business hours of a bunch of random businesses, and then 'answer'. Okay, so we did learn time expressions. But we hadn't learned the names for any of the businesses, nor any expression that would even approach how to ask for business hours! After a second of staring at it, horrified that I had missed a rather meaty section of vocabulary from earlier on, I see another box, below the exercise, reading, "Some extra vocabulary that you may find helpful for this exercise".

No, no, no. These boxes are a great idea.... sometimes. Like when you're asking them to talk about their hobbies and you include a box with some extra hobbies that may apply in their unique cases. But not when the WHOLE exercise hinges on words only introduced FOR the exercise!

Grrr....