The First of the Lasts

It's not that I'm happy with everything in my current high school - library life, and I certainly couldn't bear for it to go on for eternity. I'm even madly excited about what is to come in the immediate and intermediate future. This summer might well be the best of my life, and college promises to be amazing.

But the first of the lasts came yesterday, when I worked my last Saturday. I realize that I never expected the library to become to obvious and expected. I realized that it would be my last time working with Jim, and it would be my last book drop, that it would be my last time coming in the morning before all the people and opening the doors - in short, I focused obsessively on the lasts, just as I did as a little third grader. (This is the last morning bus ride on a monday in third grade for the rest of my life!!!!)

Strange, isn't it? I even felt a brief moment of panic when I realized that I had just attended my last NHS meeting. NHS? :P And you'd think that would be one of those things I could easily live without.

In other words, looking ahead - I find myself viewing college through a sort of haze. It's not real yet, and I think two things are to blame. The first is just the sheer immensity of the transition. Leave my parents? Sure. I can imagine it for a month. For a year, even, no problem. Even a longer, yawning stretch of time. But it's hard to fully realize that it will be FOREVER. I'll never come home at the end of it.

Whoa. :P And it's not as though I'm unhappy about it! It's just... whoa...

The second reason is my summer plans. "Miranda, aren't you EXCITED?" "Oh yeah! I can't wait to see Finland! And Costa Rica! And Norway!" "... I meant college." "Oh, yeah, that... That'll be fun too!"