25 Days Left...

25 school days left, and that's far too many. Perhaps it's classic Senioritis, perhaps it's the fact that I spent last summer working 40 hours weeks and haven't had a summer break in a long time. Never mind the fact that adults don't get those. I'm not an adult yet. :P

I don't want to do anything, but finally I do end up doing it, which makes me stay up too late. A little later even than I would have to, and the half hour-hour differences add up and become crucial. Lately I can't relax. Last night I was determined too since I skipped Arabic church due to exhaustion.

I stretched out on the couch and ate twix and read Fruits Basket #19, then I took a very long, very hot shower in my parent's huge shower, and then I went to bed. It helped, I felt a little better. What's funny though, is that even though I didn't go to bed THAT early (9:30) I couldn't sleep in. And I HAVE to sleep in on Sundays, it's a rule because that's the only day I can sleep in.

Anyhow, that helped but I'm back to being tense and panicky. It's gotten really awful. The other night I watched an hour of some TV program with my mom because I could tell she wanted it. I spent the whole program glancing frantically at the clock and then reminding myself that I had nowhere else to go that night. I find myself seized with ridiculous impulses to snatch at things before they vanish - a bit of that is good, I'm sure, to those who never see these things done. But every night at dusk the blooming magnolia tree out my window is so lovely that I am possessed by a mad urge to sprint downstairs, grab my camera, and take pictures of it before the darkness well and truly falls.

Time is passing quickly and in attempt to control it I want to stop it all together, spend all my time documenting whatever I can snatch at... and running out of time.