The project is over, and I begin to live again. I reach out and touch my newfound time like it is something small and delicate, as if it will break if I am too eager...
Sunlight is incredible, really. It's so bright and yellow and clear and it lays in long lines upon the ground, mixed with the shadows of trees... It has become summer while I worked and noticed nothing.
I wake in worry and I keep my printed copy close beside me, as if to assure myself that it is still there... it is finished... it has been turned in.
Then, sleep. 8 hours stretched between 3 days...
April 30, 2007
April 27, 2007
Oikkuni
Just a few words a day, almost a secret. I cling to them and count them over and over. It is almost like a collection. Piece by piece, it is quite manageable.
My Finnish words, my little secret. A few a day. I hold them in my hand like marbles, smooth and perfect globes of polished glass. They don't come as easily as Italian or Norwegian and so they are more precious.
Each one has a story that grows in my mind to make me remember, and when a word becomes mine I am proud of it but can show it to no one, only smile in the dark of the night and whisper...
(Talvi - Winter)
(Rannikko - Coast)
(Loska - Slush)
(Sisko - Sister)
(Rakennus - Building)
(Aamu - Morning)
(Aika - Time)
(Ranne - Wrist)
(Sumu - Fog)
(Oikku - Strange Habit)
(Tuuli - Wind)
(Sorsa - Wild Duck) ....
The coast on a winter morning, filled with wind and fog.... The words arrange themselves again and again into stories and pieces of lives, as always...
I cannot claim to eat poetry or to romp with joy in the bookish dark. This is my Oikku... I collect words.
My Finnish words, my little secret. A few a day. I hold them in my hand like marbles, smooth and perfect globes of polished glass. They don't come as easily as Italian or Norwegian and so they are more precious.
Each one has a story that grows in my mind to make me remember, and when a word becomes mine I am proud of it but can show it to no one, only smile in the dark of the night and whisper...
(Talvi - Winter)
(Rannikko - Coast)
(Loska - Slush)
(Sisko - Sister)
(Rakennus - Building)
(Aamu - Morning)
(Aika - Time)
(Ranne - Wrist)
(Sumu - Fog)
(Oikku - Strange Habit)
(Tuuli - Wind)
(Sorsa - Wild Duck) ....
The coast on a winter morning, filled with wind and fog.... The words arrange themselves again and again into stories and pieces of lives, as always...
I cannot claim to eat poetry or to romp with joy in the bookish dark. This is my Oikku... I collect words.
Language Families
Very direct and interesting language family breakdown from Freelang.net. I've put in bold and commented in red on the languages I've dabbled in or am especially interested in learning. I've put comments in orange next to languages I feel a lesser but still viable connection with. I've put comments in normal text if I have anything else I feel like saying. Then I've bolded those comments if I refuse to learn the language for whatever made up reason I have in my head. :P Yeah, I'm kind of a freak.
Linguistically, I'm well on my way to conquering Western, Southern, and Northern Europe. ;)
Indo-European family
- Indo-Iranian group
- Greek group
- GREEK - Greece I learned some for my trip to Greece. It's okay...
- Italic (Latin) group
- CATALAN - Spain From what I've heard, it's cool Spanish. I'd be interested...
- FRENCH - France (Say no to French!)
- ITALIAN - Italy I LOVE Italian! It's Spanish but more beautiful! Learned some for Italy.
- LATIN - extinct Latin 5 Next Year! Latin's the best dead language ever!
- OCCITAN - France
- PORTUGUESE - Portugal I can read it.
- (BRAZILIAN) PORTUGUESE - Brazil I can read it.
- ROMANIAN - Romania
- SPANISH - Spain Spanish 5 Next Year! I do love my Spanish, my first second language.
- Celtic group
- Brittonic branch
- Gaelic branch
- IRISH GAELIC - Ireland Another "If I have too much free time I'lll learn a bit" lang...
- MANX - United Kingdom Cool Name.
- SCOTTISH GAELIC - United Kingdom Irish is better. Come on.
- Germanic group
- Western branch
- AFRIKAANS - South Africa
- AMERICAN - U.S.A. Speak it! W00t!
- DUTCH - Netherlands I can almost read it. It's very familiar.
- GERMAN - Germany I'm taking this in school and want to focus on it in college.
- OLD ENGLISH - extinct Similar to Old Norse...
- Northern branch
- DANISH - Denmark Yeah, Danes and I are sort of mutually intelligible... :P
- FAROESE - Denmark This is like Norwegian but cooler! Not quite as scary as Icelandic.
- ICELANDIC - Iceland This would be fun. It's like Norwegian on crack. Ja sounds great.
- NORWEGIAN - Norway I've had an infatuation with this for a while.
- OLD GUTNISH - extinct
- OLD NORSE - extinct Heheh... Well... This is just useful. You know.
- SWEDISH - Sweden Yeah, Swedes and I are sort of mutually intelligible... :P
- Eastern branch
- GOTHIC - extinct Tolkien liked this one! And I used to think Emo's spoke it...
- Western branch
- Baltic group
- LATVIAN - Latvia
- LITHUANIAN - Lithuania I can order drinks in Lithuanian! But that's all... :P
- Slavic group
- Western branch
- Southern branch
- CROATIAN - Croatia
- MACEDONIAN - Macedonia
- SERBIAN - Serbia and Montenegro (Say no to Slavik)
- SLOVENIAN - Slovenia
- Eastern branch
- Armenian group
- ARMENIAN - Armenia
- Albanian group
- ALBANIAN - Albania
- Constructed languages
- ESPERANTO - constructed (Say no to Esperanto!)
- BASQUE - Spain If I ever have way too much free time.... Remind me...
- Southern group
- TAMIL (romanized) - India They have a cool alphabet.
- TAMIL (spoken language) - India
- Finno-Ugric group
- JAPANESE - Japan Yay Japanese! Pretty colours, good food, video games...
- KOREAN - Korea
- Mon-Khmer group
- VIETNAMESE - Vietnam
- Semitic group
- HEBREW (romanized) - Israel
- Nilotic group
- KIPSIGIS - Kenya
- Bantu branch
- GBARI - Nigeria
- KINYARWANDA - Rwanda I love the name of this one...
- SWAHILI - Tanzania Swahili wouldn't kill me.
- ZULU - South Africa Neither would Zulu.
- Kwa group
- YORUBA - Nigeria We just learned about the Yoruba!!!
- Malayo-Polynesian group
- INDONESIAN - Indonesia This is supposed to be really easy. I wouldn't mind dabbling...
- ONGE (ANDAMAN) - India
- English based
- TOK PISIN - Papua New Guinea
- French based
- HAITIAN CREOLE - Haiti
- Portuguese based
- PAPIAMENTO - Netherlands Antilles Papiamentu is kind of the best ever. And so easy!
- Quechuan group
- QUECHUA (BOLIVIAN) - Bolivia Quechua would be fun. It's like Nahuatl...
- QUECHUA (OF CUZCO) - Peru I mostly like the name... :P
- Uto-Aztecan group
- NAHUATL - Mexico Nahuatl is WAY too much fun not to abuse with a dictionary.
- OLD NAHUATL - extinct After all my Nahuatl fun, this excites me.
- Muskogean group
- CHOCTAW - U.S.A
- Iroquoian group
- MOHAWK - Canada Coolest name ever. :D
- Algonquian group
- Inuit group
- INUIT - Canada I randomly know some words of this for names. Amaroq means wolf.
New Freelang Dictionaries!
Freelang is this awesome free program that lets you keep dictionaries on you're computer. There are currently ninety languages you can load, and you can 'create' your own. Theoretically you could use the program for a conlang or to make flashcards for any subject... You could even start a 'stack' for words you've learned yourself in a certain foreign language class. It's kind of my favourite program ever.
http://www.freelang.net/dictionary/index.html
Anyhow, I just checked it today, and I realized that they added several new languages! I swear, this update was made just for me. The new languages include Old Norse and Old Nahuatl (!), Papiamentu(!!) and Faroese (!!!).
Old Norse is just plain useful. Old Nahuatl is just so much fun! I used the Nahuatl dictionary all the time - I didn't even know they had records of Old Nahuatl!
Papiamentu is also really exciting. It's a pigdin sort of language only spoken on the ABC islands in the Carribean. Those just happen to be my all time favourite vacation spot, and the home of our new family friends, the Chatleins. We met their daughter Natasha on the plane ride in last year, and the two of us got to talking (much about Papiamentu, which being a Romantic-Germanic hybrid interested me). She ended up inviting us to her families house for Christmas, which was really an amazing experience. The locals there go MAD if you speak Papiamentu... saying "How are you?" to the maids made them giggle or, alternatively, smile bigger than Missourians ever do. And when I said "Merry Christmas" on the way to the ice machine, I found 5 of them whispering and waiting for me! :P They were thrilled to death. And a dictionary means I can actually learn some for next time...
Faroese... Wow, this was how I became convinced they made this dictionary for me. I recently bought a crappy program with 107 languages, all 'phrasebook style', with another 30 languages thrown in 'flashcard style'. I bought the whole program because Faroese was one of the 'flashcard style' languages, and the only result for "Faroese" on amazon. I've wanted to taste Faroese ever since hearing Ormurin Langi... and just as with Papiamentu... a dictionary opens many doors.
Whee! I'm so excited! Honestly, try Freelang even if you just want it for a school course or something.
http://www.freelang.net/dictionary/index.html
Anyhow, I just checked it today, and I realized that they added several new languages! I swear, this update was made just for me. The new languages include Old Norse and Old Nahuatl (!), Papiamentu(!!) and Faroese (!!!).
Old Norse is just plain useful. Old Nahuatl is just so much fun! I used the Nahuatl dictionary all the time - I didn't even know they had records of Old Nahuatl!
Papiamentu is also really exciting. It's a pigdin sort of language only spoken on the ABC islands in the Carribean. Those just happen to be my all time favourite vacation spot, and the home of our new family friends, the Chatleins. We met their daughter Natasha on the plane ride in last year, and the two of us got to talking (much about Papiamentu, which being a Romantic-Germanic hybrid interested me). She ended up inviting us to her families house for Christmas, which was really an amazing experience. The locals there go MAD if you speak Papiamentu... saying "How are you?" to the maids made them giggle or, alternatively, smile bigger than Missourians ever do. And when I said "Merry Christmas" on the way to the ice machine, I found 5 of them whispering and waiting for me! :P They were thrilled to death. And a dictionary means I can actually learn some for next time...
Faroese... Wow, this was how I became convinced they made this dictionary for me. I recently bought a crappy program with 107 languages, all 'phrasebook style', with another 30 languages thrown in 'flashcard style'. I bought the whole program because Faroese was one of the 'flashcard style' languages, and the only result for "Faroese" on amazon. I've wanted to taste Faroese ever since hearing Ormurin Langi... and just as with Papiamentu... a dictionary opens many doors.
Whee! I'm so excited! Honestly, try Freelang even if you just want it for a school course or something.
April 25, 2007
IP Advertisements.
Okay, the first one was my idea from the beginning and it totally suited my style: an advertisement for the movie Babel. The second one is humorous in a sick way... a PSA instructing children on cutting their wrists. Stephanie and I planned this together, and I think it turned out pretty well. The third one I'm not as happy with, they sort of assigned me it at the last minute. It'll do.
All of the pictures I worked with were found on Google Image Search. :D
All of the pictures I worked with were found on Google Image Search. :D
April 23, 2007
April 22, 2007
Another Night...
1 Powerpoint Presentation
1 Research Paper
1 Mock Interview
1 Collage
1 Found Poem
2 Essays
2 Bibliographies
and
3 Illustrations later...
I've survived another night.
1 Research Paper
1 Mock Interview
1 Collage
1 Found Poem
2 Essays
2 Bibliographies
and
3 Illustrations later...
I've survived another night.
Toast and Chocolate
All I've eaten today is a piece of whole grain toast with sugarless peanut butter spread across it and one lindor truffle.
But my hands are aching and my mind is throbbing, I'm exhausted and not thinking of hunger...
And strangely my heart feels full, because of all my lovely friends...
The best friends will always defeat the worst enemies,
And one kind word can destroy as many empty moments as a PC can destroy NPC's.
Still, I've been writing so much, and thinking so much, moving, always working...
Perhaps my heart is beginning to hallucinate.
That's okay.
But my hands are aching and my mind is throbbing, I'm exhausted and not thinking of hunger...
And strangely my heart feels full, because of all my lovely friends...
The best friends will always defeat the worst enemies,
And one kind word can destroy as many empty moments as a PC can destroy NPC's.
Still, I've been writing so much, and thinking so much, moving, always working...
Perhaps my heart is beginning to hallucinate.
That's okay.
"Found Poem"
A fancy word for plagiarism, I think, but it's a recognized form and this was an assignment. I took all of these words from "Poisonwood Bible" by Kingsolver. (Great book, btw)
The Eyes in the Trees
I stir and the memories rise out of me…
Imagine a ruin so strange it must never have happened.
Think of the vine that curls from the place that was once my heart.
That is the only marker you need.
The forest eats itself and lives forever.
It’s raining, but only a little mist comes down.
The water pools in our footsteps.
The eyes in the trees never blink.
Flowers so sweet they conjure up sin or heaven,
Depending on which way you are headed.
How say ye to my soul,
Flee as a bird to your mountain?
The substance of grief is not imaginary.
It’s as real as rope or the absence of air.
Listen. To be lived is to be marked.
To live is to change.
Everything that comes of morning undoes itself before nightfall.
Fires die down, sun sinks away, sky bleeds, goes dark.
Ashes to Ashes.
In perfect stillness,
I’ve found only sorrow.
Are you now the flesh of Africa?
If you are the eyes in the trees,
How will you make your judgement?
The substance of grief is not imaginary.
It’s as real as rope or the absence of air.
Listen. To be lived is to be marked.
To live is to change.
Slide the weight from your shoulders and move forward.
You are afraid you might forget, but you never will.
You will forgive and remember.
Think of the vine that curls from the place that was once my heart.
That is the only marker you need.
The forest eats itself and lives forever.
You are afraid you might forget, but you never will.Writing and Writing
Giving of myself with every word, I wonder...
Does having my heart on paper make me stronger,
Or am I losing something?
Does having my heart on paper make me stronger,
Or am I losing something?
Something to Eat on a Cracker
Far from the sea,
The memory of waves,
From each shell drifts into the wine.
A cloud of steam erupts;
A smell my mother calls,
Horrible.
To me it smells of tidepools,
Washed in brine, and teeming,
With strange life: many eyes,
And bright shells, and seaweed.
I pour in the salty water,
That drips from the cracked shells,
Mixing it with olive oil,
And alouette and garlic,
While a boil rises.
Once we dug, barehanded,
In rough brown sand,
Chasing a trail of bubbles,
That disappeared into the sea.
Now peeling side from side,
Held together tightly by,
The tenderness within,
It seems strange and alien,
A creature from the sea.
Seasoned with lemon juice,
And cocktail sauce, and salt;
Now it is unrecognizable,
Something to eat on a cracker.
The memory of waves,
From each shell drifts into the wine.
A cloud of steam erupts;
A smell my mother calls,
Horrible.
To me it smells of tidepools,
Washed in brine, and teeming,
With strange life: many eyes,
And bright shells, and seaweed.
I pour in the salty water,
That drips from the cracked shells,
Mixing it with olive oil,
And alouette and garlic,
While a boil rises.
Once we dug, barehanded,
In rough brown sand,
Chasing a trail of bubbles,
That disappeared into the sea.
Now peeling side from side,
Held together tightly by,
The tenderness within,
It seems strange and alien,
A creature from the sea.
Seasoned with lemon juice,
And cocktail sauce, and salt;
Now it is unrecognizable,
Something to eat on a cracker.
The IP and the Spring
It's the peak of spring - beautiful - still just cool enough to enjoy the air. The trees have recovered partly recovered from the winter relapse... some look green and weary while others have sent forth new growth, tender and green. Other leaves died in the cold weeks and are now listless, dry, but a beautiful, pale golden colour.
The sky is very blue and the grass is very green - I want to go play!
Instead I sit here with the blinds drawn against the sun and rock music drowning out the birdsong, working on that more hateful of all projects....
The IP
The sky is very blue and the grass is very green - I want to go play!
Instead I sit here with the blinds drawn against the sun and rock music drowning out the birdsong, working on that more hateful of all projects....
The IP
April 21, 2007
IP Soundtrack Choices
These are the ones I'm contributing to our group CD. The theme is Exile or Belonging:
- A Thing Called Love (Johnny Cash - American Country)
- Amerika (Rammstein - German Rock/Metal)
- Andre Som Jeg (Norwegian Tarzan Soundtrack)
- Anima Libera (Emi - Italian Pop)
- Born to Run (Springsteen - American Rock)
- Eldamar (Heaven Trevillion - Elvish Prayer)
- Ja, Vi Elsker (Norwegian National Anthem)
- Pod Hladinou (Czech Little Mermaid Soundtrack)
- Song of Lebennin (Helen Trevillion - Elvish Song)
- Sunday Mornin' Comin' Down (Kris Kristofferson - American 'Country')
- Tasogare no Umi (See-Saw - Japanese Pop)
- Valley of Mist (.hack/ - Weird Japanese Instrumental)
- When You're Alone (Springsteen - American 'Rock')
- Wildflower (Spirit Dreams - Native American Flute Music)
- World's Apart (Springsteen - Middle-Eastern-Inspired Love Song)
- Zombie (The Cranberries - Sort of Scary, Sort of Rock IRA Protest)
April 20, 2007
Dreams for Next Summer
From the darkness of the IP project and the wreck it has made of my soul I am looking forward to next summer, which seems filled with possibilities. I'll be working two jobs as soon as schools out, and I'll be continuing with my job at the library all year, 16 hours a week. I also want to try to take less time off... so I can make more money. Essentially, if I keep on a moderate budget... Say about 20$ a week, for a girl who only needs to buy herself books and luxury foods... Well, I think I can really have a nice time.
Here are my three beautiful possibilities:
1.) Costa Rica - Spanish Department Trip
This is a great possibility because it's school sponsored, so all arranged for me. Two weeks - the first week is sight-seeing in Costa Rica, the second is a home stay on a llama farm! Okay, you're not guaranteed a llama farm, or a farm at all, for that matter, but it will be a home stay, and they will not speak English! Hurrah! You get to go to school with them, too. This would be an awesome chance to practice my Spanish and get really good in time for college. I'd love to achieve a nice, working knowledge of one of my language, although learning trivia and basic phrases and conversation is fun, too. As there is no Atlantic Crossing and everything is managed for us, the price will be reasonable.
Here are my three beautiful possibilities:
1.) Costa Rica - Spanish Department Trip
This is a great possibility because it's school sponsored, so all arranged for me. Two weeks - the first week is sight-seeing in Costa Rica, the second is a home stay on a llama farm! Okay, you're not guaranteed a llama farm, or a farm at all, for that matter, but it will be a home stay, and they will not speak English! Hurrah! You get to go to school with them, too. This would be an awesome chance to practice my Spanish and get really good in time for college. I'd love to achieve a nice, working knowledge of one of my language, although learning trivia and basic phrases and conversation is fun, too. As there is no Atlantic Crossing and everything is managed for us, the price will be reasonable.
Approximate Expenses: 2,000
2.) Curacao - Foreign Exchange Beach Bum
Okay, you know those awesome people we met in Curacao? Well, they totally invited me to come stay with them some summer. Curacao is awesome because everyone there is quadra-lingual; speaking Dutch, Papiamentu, English, and Spanish. So it would pretty much be linguistic heaven for me! Also, the food is delicious there, and it is a Carribean paradise - the best holiday vacation ever. My parents are fine with it as long as I pay for my own plane ticket. There's no Atlantic Crossing, again, so the plane ticket shouldn't be THAT much. I don't know how much I'll be expected to pay for while I'm there, but all in all the expenses would likely be comparable to Costa Rica. The main mark against this trip is that, well, I've been to Curacao, so it's not quite as exciting, but I'd still love it.
2.) Curacao - Foreign Exchange Beach Bum
Okay, you know those awesome people we met in Curacao? Well, they totally invited me to come stay with them some summer. Curacao is awesome because everyone there is quadra-lingual; speaking Dutch, Papiamentu, English, and Spanish. So it would pretty much be linguistic heaven for me! Also, the food is delicious there, and it is a Carribean paradise - the best holiday vacation ever. My parents are fine with it as long as I pay for my own plane ticket. There's no Atlantic Crossing, again, so the plane ticket shouldn't be THAT much. I don't know how much I'll be expected to pay for while I'm there, but all in all the expenses would likely be comparable to Costa Rica. The main mark against this trip is that, well, I've been to Curacao, so it's not quite as exciting, but I'd still love it.
Approximate Expenses: 2,000
3.) Finland - Pen Pal Visit!
This would just about be the coolest trip ever. Liisa told me I was 'welcome' to come visit her - I'd obviously have to iron everything out, but again, I've talked to my mom and she's okay with this idea - even excited about it. It would be Scandinavia, of course, so I'm the most excited about this possibility. I also absolutely adore Liisa and would love to meet her! The main problem with this trip is that I'd have to totally organize everything myself and it would be, by far, the most expensive. I'm even thinking that while I'm in Scandinavia and 'border' hops are comparatively cheap, I might make a detour to Norway, but we'll see. That would really complicate things and raise the price. My price estimate is very, very rough and could be totally off.
Approximate Expenses: 3,500
3.) Finland - Pen Pal Visit!
This would just about be the coolest trip ever. Liisa told me I was 'welcome' to come visit her - I'd obviously have to iron everything out, but again, I've talked to my mom and she's okay with this idea - even excited about it. It would be Scandinavia, of course, so I'm the most excited about this possibility. I also absolutely adore Liisa and would love to meet her! The main problem with this trip is that I'd have to totally organize everything myself and it would be, by far, the most expensive. I'm even thinking that while I'm in Scandinavia and 'border' hops are comparatively cheap, I might make a detour to Norway, but we'll see. That would really complicate things and raise the price. My price estimate is very, very rough and could be totally off.
The really, really sad thing is that I don't have to pick one. I can pick 2. ^^
Right now the Costa Rica trip is kind of in danger of being canceled (not many people signed up), so if it doesn't go through I'll do Curacao and Finland, or maybe just Finland and be sure to include Norway. If it does go through, I'll have a choice to make, but I'd really love to meet Liisa. So again, we'll see.
At any rate, I'll have worked app. 832 hours at the Library, 87 hours as a nanny, and hours off and on, maybe v. roughly 120 hours babysitting. With different rates, this means:
5,200 for Library
783 for Nanny
1200 for Random Babysitting
----------------------------------
7183 Net Income
----- Warning: Boring Budget Information -----------
My current balance in the bank is about 500$... so... 7683. Yeah... seeing as I have no real expenses, that's a sizable sum. So let's do some more math. Let's say I keep to a budget of 30$ a week - very, very reasonable - anything I save above that is bonus for me! That's about 1500$ that I will spend in this time.
6183 Income after Gas, Books, Chocolate, Hanging Out, other Reasonable Expenses.
Now I subtract 2,000, because I will almost certainly go on either Curacao or Costa Rica.
4183 Leftover from Costa Rica Trip-Curacao
Now, if I go on Curacao and Costa Rica Trip...
2183 Leftover from Costa Rica Trip and Curacao.
That's a decent amount to have behind me for college!
- Alternative 1 -
6183 Income after Gas, Books, Chocolate, Hanging Out, other Reasonable Expenses.
Now I subtract 2,000, because I will almost certainly go on either Curacao or Costa Rica.
4183 Leftover from Costa Rica Trip-Curacao
Now, if I go on the Finland Trip...
683 Leftover from Costa Rica Trip-Curacao and Finland...
This isn't very much, but it's something. Besides, I may be stretching the cost of Finland, and my mom said I'd get some money for graduation, so I may be sitting on about 1500$ for college, still.
- Alternative 2-
6183 Income after Gas, Books, Chocolate, Hanging Out, other Reasonable Expenses.
I only go on Finland Trip, so I subtract 3,500.
2683
This is a hell of a lot to have for college. So, if the Spanish trip doesn't go through, I will consider only going to Finland. (and maybe Norway detour). :)
Right now the Costa Rica trip is kind of in danger of being canceled (not many people signed up), so if it doesn't go through I'll do Curacao and Finland, or maybe just Finland and be sure to include Norway. If it does go through, I'll have a choice to make, but I'd really love to meet Liisa. So again, we'll see.
At any rate, I'll have worked app. 832 hours at the Library, 87 hours as a nanny, and hours off and on, maybe v. roughly 120 hours babysitting. With different rates, this means:
5,200 for Library
783 for Nanny
1200 for Random Babysitting
----------------------------------
7183 Net Income
----- Warning: Boring Budget Information -----------
My current balance in the bank is about 500$... so... 7683. Yeah... seeing as I have no real expenses, that's a sizable sum. So let's do some more math. Let's say I keep to a budget of 30$ a week - very, very reasonable - anything I save above that is bonus for me! That's about 1500$ that I will spend in this time.
6183 Income after Gas, Books, Chocolate, Hanging Out, other Reasonable Expenses.
Now I subtract 2,000, because I will almost certainly go on either Curacao or Costa Rica.
4183 Leftover from Costa Rica Trip-Curacao
Now, if I go on Curacao and Costa Rica Trip...
2183 Leftover from Costa Rica Trip and Curacao.
That's a decent amount to have behind me for college!
- Alternative 1 -
6183 Income after Gas, Books, Chocolate, Hanging Out, other Reasonable Expenses.
Now I subtract 2,000, because I will almost certainly go on either Curacao or Costa Rica.
4183 Leftover from Costa Rica Trip-Curacao
Now, if I go on the Finland Trip...
683 Leftover from Costa Rica Trip-Curacao and Finland...
This isn't very much, but it's something. Besides, I may be stretching the cost of Finland, and my mom said I'd get some money for graduation, so I may be sitting on about 1500$ for college, still.
- Alternative 2-
6183 Income after Gas, Books, Chocolate, Hanging Out, other Reasonable Expenses.
I only go on Finland Trip, so I subtract 3,500.
2683
This is a hell of a lot to have for college. So, if the Spanish trip doesn't go through, I will consider only going to Finland. (and maybe Norway detour). :)
April 16, 2007
Russia and China
This is just about the worst essay I've ever written, but "America - A Patriotic Primer" has received good reviews, and Trieschmann will care more about my eloquence. As always, I've given her everything. Anyway, I can turn this in, and now I can go to bed, even though I still have like 3 essays I would have liked to do tonight. Ah, well... there's always tomorrow... After all, I actually am one day ahead of schedule with the poem... :D Tired!
And God Damn Ben, he made me chat with him for almost 3 hours.
And God Damn Ben, he made me chat with him for almost 3 hours.
Although they are viewed as being similar nations due to their communist histories, China and Russia have diverged significantly in recent years. While both have taken a gradually more moderate approach towards the economy, Russia has also made great strides towards a functioning democracy, while China’s people are still under tremendous political oppression. Arguably, this has helped Russia to push ahead of China in development, as is demonstrated by the much higher literacy of the Russian people; 97-98% literacy in Russia compared to 72-81% literacy in China, and by Russia’s GDP, nearly twice that of China.
Although many of Russia’s policies have been controversial, especially within Russia itself, it’s recent push for democracy has garnered international support. At the end of the cold water fifteen years ago, the United States rushed to Russia’s aid with billions of US dollars. Other European countries, eager to see the iron curtain fall, similarily supported Russia’s departure from autocratic communism. The G-7 union of highly developed nations welcomed Russia as an eighth member, and it is currently applying to organizations such as WTO which are helping it dig itself out of it’s economic hole. The impact of this international support is proving to be substantial as Russia is increasingly leaving China behind in the common measures of development, despite China’s more supportive land and higher population.
All the international forces acting on Russia, however, would have had minimal impact if there had not been significant power shifts occurring there since the fall of the Soviet Union. After the departure of Stalin, Krushchev immediately began to put destalination policies into place. Gorbachev whole-heartedly continued this sort of policy, gradually implementing elements of a market economy and a democratic government into Russia’s policies. When the Soviet Union fell, Yeltsin and Putin were actually elected as presidents in a more or less democractic way. There is now a supreme court, a constitutional court, and a bicameral legislature in Russia, and on paper there exists a series of checks and balances between the departments. In actuality, however, it is unclear how effective these checks and balances are, and how democratic the elections are. Still, Russia seems to be making an effort to liberate it’s people, whereas the situation in China is stagnant, with the only notable challenge against the regime being the student protests in Tianenmen square.
Ultimately, the change of leadership and international support and pressure in Russia has led it to adopt a series of reform policies that are slowly transforming Russia into a more modern and developed state. China, on the other hand, has made some economic reforms, but is still extremely oppressive politically, and therefore is lagging behind Russia in overall development.April 15, 2007
Random Webcam Shots
First Webcam Picture Ever --- Age 15
Yay, I have a headset! --- Age 16
Dressed up as that girl from The Birthmark --- Age 16
America - A Patriotic Primer
I was putting the children’s books away when one in particular caught my eye. America, the title proudly read, and beneath: “A Patriotic Primer”. I flipped through the pages, suddenly wondering, and found myself swallowing hard. Within those pages I found an America I had almost forgotten.
There was a time when I was proud to be an American. I was very young then and my pride was born from ignorance. America tasted of Hawaiian Punch and hot dogs and hamburgers, for I had never tasted anything richer. America smelled of fireworks and fresh cut grass and gasoline, for I had never smelled anything fairer. America felt like red, white, and blue, proud and strong and free, for I had never known a culture tied together with anything stronger than the colours of a flag, or a loose commitment to ‘freedom’ and ‘equality’.
I was content then, sheltered within our constructed culture, unaware that my world was built from the fading pieces of a thousand other worlds. The Irish were to be laughed at; they were funny and irritable, prone to drunkenness, pitiably obsessed with corned beef and their green shamrocks. The English were to be remembered as our forefathers but treated as weaker brothers who clung to old-fashioned words and little white cottages. The Germans wore lederhosen and were fond of yodelling, the Italians sang Opera and ate too much spaghetti. South America was filled with brightly coloured parrots and vibrant green, Africa was hungry and hot. The Chinese worked hard to bring us Happy Meal Toys and tennis shoes, the Japanese to bring us video games and paper cranes, the Mexicans to sing to us and wear sombreros, to serve us salsa and chile con queso.
Then there was America the Great, America the Beautiful. She stood before the other nations of the world as a statue carved from cool white marble, flawless and strong. How happy I was to have grown up beneath her hand. I listened to her stories and I was proud. I knew that it was America who liberated Europe from the Germans in World War II, America who tore down the iron curtain, America whom the world looked to for justice. I forgot that it was also America who interned 110,000 of it’s own innocent citizens in Japanese “War Relocation Centers”, America who gives not even half the Earth Summits target of foreign aid, America who, along with Australia, is one of only two developed countries who have refused to ratify the Kyoto Protocol.
On September 11th, 2001, a terrorist attack directed at the heart of New York City killed nearly three thousand American citizens. In the blood and smoke and ash that poured from every newspaper, radio, and new station in those days, I began to see a different sort of truth. It was a hard and bitter truth, but it was painted in letters that could not be denied. There was evil in this world, and it was all around us. I saw the incredible injustice and barbarity that caused the September 11th tragedy, but I also saw the hatred behind it. And I saw how America harnessed it’s pain, how it grimly went forward with tanks and bombs and guns. I even saw my friend crying for the people, the innocent people of Afghanistan, Iraq, and beyond, who now had to face the terrible wrath of the most powerful country on earth.
Never again could I see America as I had once seen it. Never again could it shine for me with clear and brilliant light, leading the world with its rippling red, white, and blue. No, the flawless American effigy had been decisively cracked, and wind and water did the rest. Gently, by degrees, I turned away. It wasn’t that America was wretched, no; all countries are wretched, for greed and cruelty are common threads of humanity. America betrayed me with its hypocrisy, with its single-minded amour propre, with its blind and shallow patriotism.
I began to look beyond our borders, beyond our own way of life. I have tea with Mrs. Hirayoshi and she teaches me Origami and Kimono and lets me try seaweed and squid and the strange, green Japanese pumpkin. I attend an Arabic Baptist Church with my next door neighbours, and listen to the languages of our ‘enemies’, who use the same words we do: smile, love, speak, play nice with your sisters… A friend in Milan sends me a letter she wrote sitting beside an ancient ruin, her writing gentle and musical, as Italian cannot help but be. On an Internet connection that spans four thousand miles, through my pen pal Liisa’s window, I watch the midnight sun sink in the Finnish sky, hover for a moment, and slowly begin to rise again.
I turn away and I find my own white walls, a pot-roast dinner, cookie-cutter houses laid out in neat suburban rows: a culture that clings to the fading ideals of its glory days. At times I believe that I have been born into this lifestyle so that I could appreciate other lifestyles, that my culture is weak so that I can enjoy all the cultures of the world. I realize that our culture is a new one, still growing and richening, that to bring three hundred million people together as a nation where there was nothing only a few hundred years ago is something that takes time. At other times I am less optimistic. I think only of leaving, of deserting the pale life I lead here, sheltered and separated from all other people and nations. I want to live inside the world.
But where should I go? I am not Scottish, Irish, English, French, Canadian, or Native - I am a mix of all of these, as artificially constructed as my country. I am American, and I cannot deny it. Then I remember. There’s a particularly American phrase that’s been going around recently. “If you don’t like our country,” some self-avowed patriots will tell you, “then leave.” What madness. Have they forgotten that the only road to progress is through continually moving forward? Would they have said the same to the Suffragettes or to the Civil Rights activists of the centuries past? It’s words like these that can uproot an empire, and our own empire is rooted shallowly indeed.
America: A Patriotic Primer. On the very last page is a group of children, leading a little parade. Stripped bare of any real identity, dressed in plain t-shirts, the only clue as to these children’s identities rests in the insignificant details: their hair, the angle of their eyes, the shades of their skin. Their faces are crudely painted in the style of the Native Americans their own nation chased into reservations, in colours anyone could guess at. Their precious red, white, and blue look crisp and strong from a distance, but I know how watery those paints are. With a little rain, they’ll wash off completely.
I am proud to be an American. I am proud to have overcome some of the global selfishness I have inherited from it, I am grateful for the shallow roots it gives me, and I am even pleased with the material things that it makes available for me. I am privileged in this world, and I admit, I will be sad to leave my lovely suburban house, my cabin by the lake, my little red SUV, and the other signs of my growing materialism. But I don’t like our country, and if that’s the way they feel about it… I’ll leave. Because at the end of every day, when the lights go out and I lay alone and think of what I have become, there’s one thing I’m sure of.
Ego Non Habeo Patriam – I have no homeland.
La Villa Adriana
La Villa Adriana
Walking one spring afternoon,
I lost my voice
Beside the marble of the villa,
Everwhite, still gleaming
In the waning sun.
And I fell away from those beside me,
Who tired of the days walk,
Whispered that the ruins,
Were looking very much the same.
But I was still enchanted.
I sat beside a garden pool,
Where swans even now, shivering,
Dip their heads into the deep green,
Seeking something no stranger sees.
My mind drifted as easily as the wind,
That rustled the new and sunlit grass,
Smiling at those who passed on the road.
I fingered the mosaics, patterned stones,
And the spaces between them,
Where moss and ferns are taking root.
I wondered about those who laid the stones,
For the temple of Serapis, spreading them
Before the feet of the Karyatides,
Where philosophers once gathered and spoke,
And could not help but sound profound.
It was more than possible one had sat,
Where I sat then and wondered,
In much the same way,
About the meaning of our lives,
The absurdity of our existence,
To set a ripple in the water,
That moves and grows in a startling moment,
And vanishes forever.
Pedicured Hypocrites
From a few months ago:
I love you and I hate you as you come out of your huge SUV with your Super sized Burger shouting curse words into your cell with a smile, filling the cool air of a winter noon with the sight of your enormous red coat and flushed cheeks.
I love you and I hate you, you teenage girls with skinny, shapeless forms and five-colour-highlighted hair, whispering and smirking and staring and pointing, congregating for half an hour before you leave in a savvy hurry.
I love you and I hate you, you are my family and you are strangers. I mock you and then I follow you into Quiznos.
From a few weeks ago:
I went and got a pedicure today. I’ve never gotten a pedicure before, but I was already being a spoiled little brat going to Italy the next day, so I drove my little suv down to CeCe’s Nail Salon and went the whole nine yards. They scrubbed my feet with what looked like toilet bowl cleaner and then they painted them. Admittedly they looked pretty good. The people seemed very surprised that I had never had a pedicure before.
“What about dances?” they asked. Well, I’d never really been to one. “Well.”
“Well.”
“Who are you?”
I had a bad time after all of that. They gave me this ridiculous flip flops made out of craft foam and and I managed to get across the grimy, polluted parking lot to my car with them. But I was locked out, somehow, my keys would only unlock the trunk, and I had to crawl though to the drivers seat with those ridiculous shoes on and and it raining outside and my feet all professionally cleaned and painted with the sort of attention no one should lavish on their feet. Yeah, maybe it should have taught me a lesson.
When I got in the car I drove it half a block down to get my hair cut. I could have walked, I should have walked, but my feet were all pretty and I had a car that let me exchange money and pollution for a bit of honest exercise. I’m becoming… such a hypocrite…
At the hair cut place I suggested a cut I had heard a lot about and they told me that frankly, it would look ridiculous. They didn’t like any of my ideas but they told me I had to tell them what to do and it wasn’t like I had all day. Finally I whispered that they could just take a few inches off and they set to work.
“Can I leave early?” One employee asks. I don’t see her from under the hair my ‘stylist’ has unceremoniously thrown over my face. “Brad has to pick up the kids and I want to go out with Steve tonight.”
“Yeah,” my stylist replies. “All I have to do is blow-dry this one.”
Then she sets to work doing just that. And I’m glad. My tears evaporate before anyone can see.Spy Me at Noon
This song could hardly be any worse, but it was stuck in my head all through the last ACT test, and so I finally decided to look up the lyrics. And now... it makes even less sense! And I can't find a single version of the lyrics which are spelled correctly. Anyhow, it makes me happy that it's sung by a Norwegian guy named Morten. I didn't even know the song was Norwegian, but of course it had to be Morten, didn't it? This is more evidence supporting my hypothesis that at least 25% of Norwegian males are named Morten.
The best part is the "lumps of coal!" stanza... I never understood watching Bennyfilms video, and that's the part that sticks in your head the most aggressively too! This song makes as much sense at J-Pop, with an uglier vocabulary, and it's Norwegian! That's kind of amazing.
Lyrics...
Feel the chills that rise above you,
Circumcised, homogenized,
Left behind with contradiction,
Even resting in the soil,
And pleases you with remedies,
You eat from a spoon,
To spy me tomorrow,
In a pitfall of sorrow,
I fall under the moon...
So spy me at noon...
Ten tall with domination,
Seasoned pout reaps rewards,
Obsessed with lust,
Condemnation,
He has come to win the war,
And frightens you with melodies,
Their singing in tune,
To spy me tomorrow,
In a pitfall of sorrow,
I fall under the moon...
So spy me at noon...
Spy me at noon...
Who ever gave him the license to crush my heart?
Champagne and tuxedos right from the start...
In blind we trust in the sense of goal,
Then vanished and leave me with lumps of coal!
Killing you the memories forgotten too soon...
To spy me tomorrow,
In a pitfall of sorrow,
I fall under the moon...
So spy me at noon...
Right now I feel shaken, not stirred,
This horrible news I just heard...
Too late!
He spied me at eight!
She spied me at eight!
And in the same style of things that can only amuse you after you've been ground into mind-powder by Trieschmann's essays, I give you this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mIQ-iQSz4so&mode=related&search=
Yeah, if you don't understand the first part you can skip about halfway through to the song, it's in English. :P It's so, so stupid but it's so amusing.
The best part is the "lumps of coal!" stanza... I never understood watching Bennyfilms video, and that's the part that sticks in your head the most aggressively too! This song makes as much sense at J-Pop, with an uglier vocabulary, and it's Norwegian! That's kind of amazing.
Lyrics...
Feel the chills that rise above you,
Circumcised, homogenized,
Left behind with contradiction,
Even resting in the soil,
And pleases you with remedies,
You eat from a spoon,
To spy me tomorrow,
In a pitfall of sorrow,
I fall under the moon...
So spy me at noon...
Ten tall with domination,
Seasoned pout reaps rewards,
Obsessed with lust,
Condemnation,
He has come to win the war,
And frightens you with melodies,
Their singing in tune,
To spy me tomorrow,
In a pitfall of sorrow,
I fall under the moon...
So spy me at noon...
Spy me at noon...
Who ever gave him the license to crush my heart?
Champagne and tuxedos right from the start...
In blind we trust in the sense of goal,
Then vanished and leave me with lumps of coal!
Killing you the memories forgotten too soon...
To spy me tomorrow,
In a pitfall of sorrow,
I fall under the moon...
So spy me at noon...
Right now I feel shaken, not stirred,
This horrible news I just heard...
Too late!
He spied me at eight!
She spied me at eight!
And in the same style of things that can only amuse you after you've been ground into mind-powder by Trieschmann's essays, I give you this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mIQ-iQSz4so&mode=related&search=
Yeah, if you don't understand the first part you can skip about halfway through to the song, it's in English. :P It's so, so stupid but it's so amusing.
No Light at the End of the Tunnel! :D
I've overcome part of the problem. School and Trieschmann still suck but I'm starting to see the light of the end of the tunnel by... not thinking about the light at the end of the tunnel.
For the last few weeks, I've lived in denial that any teacher could be so demanding, any schedule so crazy, any schoolwork so stressful. Each week I told myself it was the worst week of my life, and if I could just make it to the weekend...
This did not work. Weekends are almost as stressful as weekdays, and then you jump right back into the week in the blink of an eye.
But what doesn't kill me makes me stronger, and I'm starting to cope... Although I am still always so tired, and dizzy... I just want to sleep, and the allergies don't make things any better. I have more essays to write than is imaginable: IN, IP, Personal Essay, Health, Costa Rica Trip, Comparative Government...
So on and so forth... but I'll live or die and that will be the end of it...
At the very least a few assignments let me think, have some time for reflection. Like Trieschmann's poem assignment, due the day after her essay assignment, due the day after a whole bunch of IP paperwork... but of course I feel so tired and depleted I trip over all the words and my meaning is hidden in the overgrowth...
The memory of Italy is such a beautiful and distant flower in my memory... :D But I think of it when I'm beginning to write... And as long as I write in Italian, it's almost easier, as mangled as it is, for just a moment, before I have to translate...
"Alla Villa Adriana
Ho perduta la mia voce..."
For the last few weeks, I've lived in denial that any teacher could be so demanding, any schedule so crazy, any schoolwork so stressful. Each week I told myself it was the worst week of my life, and if I could just make it to the weekend...
This did not work. Weekends are almost as stressful as weekdays, and then you jump right back into the week in the blink of an eye.
But what doesn't kill me makes me stronger, and I'm starting to cope... Although I am still always so tired, and dizzy... I just want to sleep, and the allergies don't make things any better. I have more essays to write than is imaginable: IN, IP, Personal Essay, Health, Costa Rica Trip, Comparative Government...
So on and so forth... but I'll live or die and that will be the end of it...
At the very least a few assignments let me think, have some time for reflection. Like Trieschmann's poem assignment, due the day after her essay assignment, due the day after a whole bunch of IP paperwork... but of course I feel so tired and depleted I trip over all the words and my meaning is hidden in the overgrowth...
The memory of Italy is such a beautiful and distant flower in my memory... :D But I think of it when I'm beginning to write... And as long as I write in Italian, it's almost easier, as mangled as it is, for just a moment, before I have to translate...
"Alla Villa Adriana
Ho perduta la mia voce..."
Quote from Stephanie:
So you don't get the feeling I'm the only one Trieschmann's killing:
I get the sneaking feeling that Trieschmann is trying to do me in with the poem, the essay contest, the novel project, and the IP. At least I didn't have to worry about doing the ACT writing again yesterday- though I could have tried to get a twelve, I didn't really feel like stressing out about it. An eleven is a great score to get the first time. Now I just have to hope I kicked the rest of that test's nasty little backside. And then there's my subject test in May for the SAT (I still don't know which of the bio tests I'll take, but I have awhile to decide), and the APs, but I only have one day of that, and after finals, I'll finally have some time to de-stress before I leave for Greece!
I can do this. At least I'd like to think I can. It's hard, though; I think I'm getting sick again, and I tend to feel weak and dizzy more often now. I might ask my parents to set up a doctor's appointment on the Friday we have off, just so I can make sure I'm not imagining all of this. Hopefully it's just me; I hate being sick.
On a lighter note: the track meet was canceled due to the weather! I'm extremely happy I didn't have to run in the rain, and I didn't have to let my team down by going to the ACT. I should probably go running today, if my English homework doesn't kill me first. At least math isn't so bad for once, and chem is starting to make some sense.
Ere Spring Was Born...
While I was away in Rome, the St. Louis Spring was right on schedule. I got home and for one lovely day, the wind was soft and warm, the flowers were blooming, the leaves were a tender, new green, and the dogwood spotted the woods like snowy lace that drifted into bloom.
Then everything froze over. For two weeks now, we haven't been above 50 degrees. It's dipped below freezing almost every night, and most morning when I drive to work or to school. The fresh green leaves have closed back in on themselves and are turning browner with each passing day. The flowers wake every morning encased in a bitter frost. There have even been reports of snow, insubstantial and worthless, in the morning hours.
None of this has stopped the spring rains, however... they press on, cold and dreary. The other day when I went to take the ACT, ( and even that was a lovely break from Trieschmann), the lines were long and stretched out into the street. There we waited, a bunch of strangers who wouldn't even speak to each other, staring up into the cold and bright sky while the rain came down on us. It was that amazingly soft rain, almost a mist, that drop by drop crowned each of us with white and dewy hair and soaked our admission tickets. In the thirty five degree weather every inch of bare skin was slowly, painfully coated...
P.S. I checked my google page to see if this was a global phenomenon. See preceding post.
Then everything froze over. For two weeks now, we haven't been above 50 degrees. It's dipped below freezing almost every night, and most morning when I drive to work or to school. The fresh green leaves have closed back in on themselves and are turning browner with each passing day. The flowers wake every morning encased in a bitter frost. There have even been reports of snow, insubstantial and worthless, in the morning hours.
None of this has stopped the spring rains, however... they press on, cold and dreary. The other day when I went to take the ACT, ( and even that was a lovely break from Trieschmann), the lines were long and stretched out into the street. There we waited, a bunch of strangers who wouldn't even speak to each other, staring up into the cold and bright sky while the rain came down on us. It was that amazingly soft rain, almost a mist, that drop by drop crowned each of us with white and dewy hair and soaked our admission tickets. In the thirty five degree weather every inch of bare skin was slowly, painfully coated...
P.S. I checked my google page to see if this was a global phenomenon. See preceding post.
April 11, 2007
Mi alma... despues de Trieschmann
(Porque he dado todo a ella... adios al mes y a la vida por eso tiempo...)
April 03, 2007
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