Damage Assessment and New Plans

I'm not doing so great right at the moment.

I've neglected my friends, I've neglected my sanity, I've neglected my family, I've neglected my nutrition. I've neglected my bandwidth limits.

I've neglected the honor's society I'm president of, I've neglected my boyfriend, I've neglected my blog, I've neglected my tutoring job. I've neglected other work possibilities. I've neglected my organization, which in turn has affected everything else.

I've neglected my stories, and I've neglected my studies.

So I've said it, admitted it - I've neglected everything.

This will have consequences - some in more cases, less in others.

My friends, family, and boyfriend will forgive me. My blog will have to cope. I've managed to keep my head just above water for the tutoring and the honor's society. I probably won't take any other work this semester, tempting as it might be for both money and experience. The bandwidth issue is only a ten-dollar fee, as long as I'm careful the rest of the month.

Sanity is slowly returning - and I got an overdose of protein and veggies and yum in Indianapolis.

My grades will take a hit. This will not be one of my better semesters. I might be looking at B's instead of A's and C's instead of B's. It depends how the grades come in and how resilient the overall marks are, and whether I make a strong recovery.

My Spanish professor in particular is disappointed in me - I've missed quite a few classes, my essay was not up to par, and I'm sure I've missed homework assignments as well. My gun story is not all I wanted it to be, not for myself nor for my professor nor for those I'm writing about. I'm managing in German, but need to play a little catch up and I don't know when. Editing is a mess. Not sure how much of a mess but it's not what I want from it. Managed not to miss any homework, but today was an exam and I learned the hard way that missing a week of class was not actually such a small matter, and that I need to take better notes because yes, it's one of those classes where if they mention 'types of magazines' or 'qualities needed in a good editor', there will actually be a huge blank space on the test for you to regurgitate the list you were given.

But but but - The others are stressed out too. Some have done worse than I have, and with fewer excuses. I've done worse myself with fewer excuses. I've had tests where I guessed at almost everything because I skipped the classes for no good reason.

I had good reasons, this time, that I either couldn't help or can't regret - Moving into a new apartment and having lots of problems with that, attending a travel writing conference where I learned a lot about my career and made good contacts, and writing a major feature story for Vox, which I'm very proud of. I haven't been slacking off.

And it turns out that, due to a bit of luck, I've only missed one Spanish assignment. I still have the weekend to massively improve my essay, and when I met with the professor in his office hours I realized that he thinks all the essays are crap, and at least he can see that I'm trying. I thought my Magazine Writing professor was disappointed with me, but after talking to the other students I realized he's criticized me perhaps the least. I could do better - I agree myself, completely - but apparently even with the Vox story and the conference crowding me from every side, I did better than some of the others. There was a lot I didn't know on the exam today, but there was a lot I did know. And part two is tomorrow, and I think I can do better on that.

And in exams and essays and what have you, Even a worst-case scenario 50% is a big improvement over 0%. I haven't dropped the ball on anything that big.

Yes, it's discouraging to start a semester this way. But I still have a lot of room and chances to recover and improve. Later work is usually weighted more heavily.

Yesterday, I cleaned my place. I can see more clearly now, think straighter.

Today, I'm going to go buy the school supplies I should have bought a month ago - folders at least so I can organize my papers properly. I'll make a point of going through the syllabuses nightly so I don't lose track of anything else. I'll take better notes. I'll find study sessions and understand my professors quirks better. I won't miss class again.

It's been a rough start. There will be consequences. But I have reasons, if not consequence-altering excuses. I can't truly regret or blame myself, and even if I can - there's no point. I just have to take the wake up call, mitigate the damage, organize myself and move on more strongly.