Personality Test

1. Energizing - How a person is energized:

§ Extroversion (E) - Preference for drawing energy from the outside world of people, activities or things.

§ Introversion (I) - Preference for drawing energy from one's internal world of ideas, emotions, or impressions.

I am strongly/moderately I. This is probably because I definitely have that 'need to recharge', but I don't want to be alone all the time. I like to go out, talk to people, then retreat. Then go out, talk to people, retreat. Stimulation from others is important to me but I can become overwhelmed...

2. Attending - What a person pays attention to:

§ Sensing (S) - Preference for using the senses to notice what is real.

§ Intuition (N) - Preference for using the imagination to envision what is possible - to look beyond the five senses. Jung calls this "unconscious perceiving".

I was 100% N. I like the idea of sensing, and I thought on one page that I had one of the features of it - strong memory for details. But I would say I do a lot more 'deep thought' and such. I spend most of my time thinking about connections between things.

3. Deciding - How a person decides:

§ Thinking (T) - Preference for organizing and structuring information to decide in a logical, objective way.

§ Feeling (F) - Preference for organizing and structuring information to decide in a personal, value-oriented way.

When I was reading about the two, I felt pretty divided. But when I took the test I was definitely (moderately expressed) F. I value my feelings a lot on things, but I usually try to find facts that fit with them. If the facts are overwhelming, my feelings change. I think I balance them fairly well.

4. Living - Life style a person prefers:

§ Judgment (J) - Preference for living a planned and organized life.

§ Perception (P) - Preference for living a spontaneous and flexible life.

I was very weakly J. I feel very divided about both of these, which is probably why I got that score. On one hand, the idea of spontaneity excites me, and I like to have free time and decide what to do with it. On the other, I like to do something with it. I'm usually studying or something. Even if I don't have a plan until that hour, I immediately construct a plan instead of wandering around aimlessly. I also plan trips and stuff out fairly well months in advance.

Finally, I was INFJ - apparently the rarest possible personality type. This always happens to me! :P

Elindomiel

Thus far in my life, as I approach the first great ending the and the greatest possible beginning, I realize that it appears I will accomplish everything that I have set out to do. I shall have my 3.8 cum, I shall have my semester above a 4.0, I shall have taken an independent study in Norwegian and taken 3 languages at once, participated twice in the great Meeting of the Minds, found true friends and come to terms with most of my enemies, and even made some abstract choices... concerning for example the long years where I ineffectively wavered between the dark, mysterious persona and the little chibi Miranda everyone forced me to become. I am a slice of both, a little more of the latter, and mostly myself which I am surprisingly happy with.

The only goals I haven't met were those beyond my control... in the hands of others, namely... But even these I feel may have worked out for the best. And those of you who know what I speak of know how remarkable it is that I am finally able to say that.

I am still confused about so many things. I still don't know what I want to do with my life... business, the soulless money making venture - writing, the hopeless, one chance in a million shot at divinity - teaching, the noble, poormans profession - something wild and crazy almost as rare as being a writer, that will take me all over the world and... still don't know.

Still confused, still a little crazy, still wondering, for instance when I rub my sore eyes, how soft they are. How soft, how fragile these things that I rely on so much. These are my eyes. They are everything I see. Sine qua non. Strange alphabets, sweeping landscapes. All of it could vanish. These are just my eyes. And so my whole body is small and fragile. Smaller even than normal but that is the least of things, in everything those inches and pounds hardly matter. So this soft flesh can hardly seem to be real... And the same way I find myself wondering about and wondering at my religion, my culture, my country, my world. Burdens, blessings, who knows...

I realize especially that not only can one go back one cannot stand in one place either... the sands of time will push them forward whatever happens, so it's easier and less painful just to keep walking.

And amidst all of this fear, confusion, indecision, uncertainty, this sea of synonyms for what everyone else my age is feeling I have another thought... another sense that somehow amidst all of it there is something hard and certain inside, stronger than weak flesh or petty accomplishments and perhaps even the image I have chosen for myself... perhaps that which some call a soul... A sense that per omnes.... I really do.... daron....

Elindomiel.

Stress

Feeling really stressed out about now. Need to email Liisa, finnish my Latin honours project, annotate Midsummer Night's Dream and Oedipus Rex, do that math POW and otherwise attempt to understand what we're doing in there, type up the Eros essay again and give it a complete rehaul... and oh, also, my rooms and complete mess and I need to shower and eat. And sleep at some point if it's not too much trouble.

Not playing Racquetball this year and it's a DAMN good thing, for the money if nothing else. And I'm working the two jobs, so full half time (21 hours a week) in all, not too bad if I do say so myself... an' another 8x5 is 40 hours stuck in school all week... so doesn't leave much time for myself. Somehow I find it though in all the cracks. Break at work which I still leave sacred for skimming the Spanish visual dictionary or reading in Norsk, Nordmenn, og Norge.

And Liisa sent me Naiv. Super for my birthday (really this coming weekend?) and I spent an hour or two last night reading it which is nice. The mom has been freaking out especially in light of college next year and the wedding in two weeks (Todd and Rachel's). I'm a bridesmaid and need to look nice and for me that means a haircut a petticure new shoes new dress extra fittings and oh while we're at it let's get you ready for mizzou you need new jeans and new shirts and isnt this cute youre going to have to learn to do this yourself miranda learn what matches learn what goes whats appropriate youll never get there such a failure ahhhhhhh....

And silly stuff like that. The mom and I fight and even my dad if mom says he has to get involved. It's about the stupidest most unreasonable stuff imaginable and I know she has her side and I know I've done stuff wrong but I can't imagine what I've done so wrong that she... well, let's be fair. 50% of the time she's great and 30% bearable, and 10% probably normal naggy mom but the other 10% I just don't understand...

My only ideas is that maybe she's read that teenagers think they're better than their parents and don't listen their senior year and starts to imagine it where it's not... all of her arguments after all sound spit out of that sort of book... and I can't seem to convince her that I haven't changed. I ask, "What could I have done to make you happy?" "Helped around the house" she says and I say, "But I did help around the house" and she says "Pah!" "But I did," I insist, "How didn't I?" "Just help around the house!" And it's longer and longer and more rediculous and I don't even really want to get into it. My other idea is that maybe she thinks she should yell at Melissa and I equally and Mel's in trouble lately with grades so she needs to yell at me too.

I know I'm not perfect... my rooms a mess... but in the grand scheme of things I'm working hard and I make good grades and I stay out of trouble and I wish she'd acknowledge that. Oh, she does at times bragging to all of her friends but when she's in a bad mood I still get it. Sometimes at home I feel nervous relaxing cause she'll come by and say, why are you relaxing, you say you don't clean because you have no time... and I want to say that I have half an hour or so a day and I like to relax, clear my brain, eat a decent meal, I love to cook and I cook such simple things it's my only pleasure....

Languages run together a classic sign of decay of the brain. It's not always so bad but I find Spanish in my German like a bug in my salad and Norsk is the only thing that seems to make any sense.

And what's more... sometimes when I'm walking home in the dark and ice after Lydia or something I have this strange feeling of how small everything is... what a small layer we are on the earths surface and into space... and this strange idea that I could easily fall off the face of the earth and into nothingness.

I...