It's been wonderful to see Tina and Tabi again. Of my 7 closest friends at Mizzou (I'm excluding friends that only stayed one semester), only those two are here with me this fall. In a way that was hard to face, since when I left I had all seven around me. I was worried that I would miss the other five, and, well, I do. But after packing up and moving to brand new locations twice last year, starting with nothing, I suddenly feel silly for not realizing how good it would feel to have those two, how many more 2 is than 0. I've already been to a party with Tina where we mostly just chilled with the mosquitoes on the porch and talked, and I played scrabble with her and two mutual friends I've met in the last few days (one at that party, one at international orientation). Through the international orientation I've met several new people, and the same goes for the journalism orientation yesterday. And Tabi and I had a nice lunch yesterday and a nice time just sitting around at her place, we're planning a few trips to Rolla during the semester where I'll be able to see both Laura and Kate. And as far as my dear friends abroad go - Allan and I are going to start trying to have an email conversation, even if we fail at meeting up on Skype as often as we'd like, and Zahra and I are going to try to keep a weekly Skype appointment. I want to try to do the same (the latter) with my sister Melissa. And Uni and I chat sometimes, and Liisa and I have as always our email exchange. No, I won't die of loneliness, not just yet. :)
It's strange to be back on campus. People keep asking me how it feels to return from so much time away, but I'm still having trouble putting it into words. I'm still in the process of feeling it out. More than I expected, although I'd predicted it out loud, as soon as I landed here I felt like yes, this is the real life, the other was a dream. But a week later I still have some strange feelings like just having woken from a dream. Every time I go to a different part of campus, it seems funny to see it again, still existing. And the changes freak me out, like the new student center and the new meal plans and the new tobacco free campus. I walked past Peace Park the other day and thought, yes, thats the rock that I sat on with Jorge when we kissed for the first time, yes, that's the pond where the two Laura's and I met one day to throw bread crumbs into the stream on a Jewish holiday, yes that's the tree I climbed during Roots and Blues with Allan and Amy and Esther... this whole place is marked with memories and the trail of a life I feel like I'm picking up again. I feel a strange sort of disconnect with both my memories of here, because they're far away in time, and my memories of Europe, because they're far away in place.
My initial complaints aside, I've settled into my dorm. I use the Brita pitcher for water and I'm already mostly used to the fridge (which doesn't drone ALL the time). I have a sunset view out my window. As soon as I get some groceries I'm going to make a snack, (maybe gimbap?) for my roommates so that we can meet each other properly.
I returned to the dining halls, which were smaller than I remembered somehow. And the portions are definitely smaller, that can't be my imagination! I know at the buffet style you can go back and back again, but when lines are long thats a pain, and now we cant even have trays. Although it seems a little bit deceptive for them to argue that all they want is to cut 'waste' when really they want to spend less money on feeding us, I understand some of the initiatives... but this? I'm a tiny girl, and I had to go back three times before I had enough of the shrimp/zucchini/biscuit/fries meal to feel full. The first time I asked for extra shrimp, and I got 6 (and they're small shrimp). When I went back, I got 4. 4. I could have gone back again, I still wasn't feeling that full, but it was starting to get embarassing so I just went and ate ice cream instead. Now, back in the tray days we would often go to two or three different food stops, so smaller portions made more sense... but now that I can only carry one plate I want at least 1/2 a meal on it! And Eva J's, my favourite dining hall, has been turned into a non-all-you-can-eat. On the one hand, its still Asian food, and I'm not going to knock it until I've tried the new offerings. On the other hand, Kung-pao-chicken (probably my favourite CDS meal) isnt on the menu, so I hope its been moved to another dining hall. And when you can't go back for free more, those portion sizes better be reasonable... because the dining halls are to expensive for this crap.
On that note, one surprise for me is how expensive everything is. I'd grossly exaggerated the price differences in my head. In Germany and Spain restaurants can be comparable once taxes and service charges are added to the American bill. Groceries are a bit cheaper here, but the thing is that abroad I have no connection to brand names at all and feel perfectly fine buying the cheapest versions... here the generics sometimes (like with Town House Crackers) taste inferior to me, forcing me to buy the slightly more expensive ones, and again things nearly even out. There's no equivalent here of the 70 euro cent ice cream cone or the 1 euro crepe. And the 90 euro cent main course in the German dining halls? Forget about it. My wallet's feeling a little disillusioned...
BUT. Free water, cold and delicious. Free ketchup, as many fistfuls as I care to grab. Commonly smiling and joking service people. Free bathrooms. My language, my turf. Microcurries. The endless flourescent expanse of Walmart. My books and my movies. Yes, it's good to be home.
(2003)